I got over you.
-Over You, Chris Daughtry
It's funny how this song gets me through so many down periods of my life..
Daughtry really speaks so well to me hahaha.
I'm so happy! It feels really good to not be held prisoner by ridiculous feelings, guilt pangs and what not. I guess I was the root of all problems, I just wanted to torture myself and not get over what I had done. I prolonged the unhappiness that I felt although it was totally unnecessary. Maybe I just like to live in the past and not let go. But today, thinking back, I can't help but question my actions. Why'd I do that for? Maybe feeling guilty made my self feel better, or so I thought. But it didn't help anything. And all that I thought, I felt, or rather, I thought I felt, was nothing but a lie. Or something that I wanted it to be. You see, I guess my guilt just kinda ate me up. In the end, it just boils down to me not being able to deal with my guilt and my negative feelings.
But I'm glad I'm over it (: I've never thought about it for a really long time. I realized that after vocalizing my thoughts out to twin, everything just got better. I thought less about this, I felt less miserable. It was as though a heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders. Which is why I'm really thankful - without this episode, I wouldn't have known how important my family and friends are to me. They put up with all my rants and my questions, they dealt with me when I was feeling guilty (and perhaps wallowing in self-pity). I wonder how do they do it, seriously. But I'm glad that this happened - I gained more than I lost (: And to be honest, I don't think I've lost anything. Maybe just a couple of hours of sleep, but that's all. But I learnt that I don't need people who don't need me. I don't need people to waste my time, when I barely have time for others I love. I may still have those what-ifs questions that will appear occasionally in my mind, but truth be told, they don't matter anymore. I no longer torture myself over the answers. I guess what everyone's been telling me from the start was right - you're no good for me, I just didn't wanna listen to that. Because.. I probably wanted to believe that we had something. But we'll still be friends I guess. Friends that occasionally ask about each other and find out about each other. Friends that barely talk. Hahahaha.
Life is really good now. I don't want this to change. I want everything to stay the same. Or get better. I love everyone around me and I love what I'm doing. I now I complain a lot, but truth is, I really like what I'm doing. It probably doesn't count for much when I say this, but I really really appreciate every single one of you in my life! Thank you for being a part of my life (: Hehehe. My second new year resolution is like to foster better relations with people around me hahahaha.
Alright it's 2am now and I've to wake at 9am, so I guess I should head to bed soon! Meeting again tomorrow hahahaha. Hopefully it'll be fruitful and we'll settle everything we have to. (:
Goodnight!
xx
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