Winter again. You would think once in a lifetime would be enough, nobody even likes it. It's scary how the months fly by so fast. They turn into years without me even noticing. Katie is like my calendar, watching her grow and change. She is growing up so fast, learning to have opinions of her own, learning that I don't have the answers to everything. And the moment a child begins to understand that, you know you're in trouble.
I'm still on my journey, Mum, still caught in that in-between stage of life where I've just come from somewhere, have left it well and truly behind me and I'm now working my way toward something new.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that my mind isn't settled yet. Still. I mean, you and Dad have done nothing but travel for the past year, you haven't been in one country for more than a few weeks at a time but you are both more settled than me, and I haven't left for the past year. You both know where you want to be. I suppose that's because you have each other and anywhere Dad is feels like home to you.
I've learnt that home isn't a place, it's a feeling. I can make the flat look as pretty as I can, put as many flower boxes on the window sills as I want, put a welcome mat outside the front door, hang a Home Sweet Home sign over the fireplace, and take to wearing aprons and baking cookies, but the truth is that I know I don't want to stay here forever.
It's like I'm waiting at the train station, busking to make a few quid, just enough to catch the next train out of here. And of course the most important thing to me is Katie and everywhere I am with her should feel like home, but it doesn't because it's up to me to make the home for her. I know that Katie is going to leave in a few years and she won't need me like she does now.
I have to set my own life up for when Katie goes. I need to set my own life up for when Katie goes because I don't see any Prince Charmings coming along to rescue me. Fairy tales are such evil little stories for young children. Every time I'm in a mess I expect a long-haired posh-speaking man to come trotting into my life (on a horse of course, literally trotting himself...) Then you realize you don't want a long-haired posh-speaking man trotting into your life because he's the one who put you in the bloody mess in the first place..."
Love Rosie - Cecilia Ahern.
A couple of photos from Bro's graduation parade last week:
Of course I couldn't resist a photo of myself :p
Life is okay. I realized that the amount of thoughts running in my mind are ever increasing but my frequency of blog posts are decreasing more and more. I need more time. Summer one has passed, hopefully summer two will be less intensive. Need a more slack life. I busy myself with so many unnecessary things sometimes seriously. Engaging in retail therapy more and more. Expenditure exceeds income. Not very cool. Still very very thankful for Grandpa Chow. He's a real gem :') Kinda hungry now.. Want cookies NOW :( Gonna work for NUS next week with Grandpa Chow and Bei Shan. Got a new tuition kid too! Cannot wait to earn big bucks. Mustn't overspend anymore! I say this every week but it never happens :( Must save money for UB! Hoping to be there in Spring 2013 and make people on my Facebook wall jealous with my awesome possum photos. Still, looking to checkout F21 cart, Kate Spade bag, and many more! Money no enough sighz. Been listening to LYJ recently. Think I know why I enjoyed listening to him in the first place! Currently missing Grandpa Chow kinda badly even though I see him 5/7 of the week, sometimes more. Anymore and he'll be sick of me hehehe :p Need to pack my table! Super messy! Cannot take it. Must stop going to popular. Spent so much in there in 3 days. Not very cool! Meeting John tomorrow. Buffet tomorrow. I'm so fat need to stop eating so much! Why am I blogging like that? So aimless. Welcome to my chain of thoughts(;
No comments:
Post a Comment