Faith..?

Thinking about how unfair life can get and just feeling really... Shortchanged. Sometimes. Never thought I'd be one to think about things this way - I always believe that I'm happy at where I am, or at least I've convinced myself that I am. I have had a unique set of experiences that I don't think I regret, but sometimes I just can't help but feel envious. That should have been me, and what the hell am I doing with my life? 

I always liked to believe that I've led a life that others would be envious about, and that perhaps someone out there would like to walk in my shoes, maybe just for a day, because I appear privileged and blessed enough to them? I guess that's the way things work and that's the way life is. A envies B and B wants to be C. It's a never ending cycle, is it? When you're good there's someone better and when you're rich there's someone richer and when you're pretty there's someone prettier and when you're nice there's someone nicer.. There's always going to be someone better than you, and someone is always going to outshine you no matter how hard you try. 

Today I realized that no one is indispensable. Maybe I always knew this but ideally, to me, someone is always indispensable to another. 

I keep sitting here and watching everyone pass me by while I'm just running on the spot.. I try to break out of these boundaries but I can't, and staying here in the same place is really starting to get stifling. 

Faith? 

Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe. 

— St. Augustine

Incoherent moment of weakness.. Sheesh.