Hope vs disappointment

I need to learn how to be more realistic and not have my head in the clouds constantly. I need to get my feet back on the ground so that disappointments don't shake me. I need to learn how to be grounded, so I don't get blown away by unrealistic ideas. I'm too idealistic, I know I am. I'm too idealistic for my own good. I think too much, wonder too much, and I end up being disappointed constantly. I need to learn that the world is not perfect even though I may imagine it to be. Sometimes I feel so sick of getting my hopes up only to find it crushed, into tiny pieces. Disappointment is an evil thing, but it's inevitable. It conditions us, it teaches us to be tougher, it teaches us how to climb up when we fall.

I'm so tired of waiting I don't wanna wait anymore. I hate waiting in vain because it makes me so disappointed. Each time I'm disappointed I feel a little part of me die inside, and it never gets revived. It's just that you've never been in my shoes, so you don't know how it feels. You don't know how it feels like to have to wait every single time, only to find yourself disappointed. You question if you ought to give up hope, but a tiny voice asks you to hang on, and so you do. But what do you get in return? Nothing but more disappointment. It's a vicious cycle, a vicious cycle that you can't get out of. You try so hard, you struggle as though you're drowning in quicksand, but the feeling's consuming you and eating you out. And you feel miserable constantly because of this. It's so hard to break out of it, and you're trying, but you're losing hope and perseverance.

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing" -The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

I think I know this best. It's like disappointment has become my friend or something...

I'm waiting, in vain again. And I'm sick and tired of this. What do I get in return ): Other than tiring myself out and stressing myself what else do I get?

Urgh why are my thoughts always so incoherent? Why do they always come about in chunks? Why can't I organize my thoughts properly before typing them out? Why why why.

I think I need sleep.